Laughing With Google

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5goals — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 04:38:22 +0000

~~God~~ Google is dead.

Can you?

5goals — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 02:22:57 +0000

Can YOU freeze cheese?

Soooo remember that date with Jeff from a Frat? Remember how it progressed from dinner at Five Guys to… something more? Remember telling him how much you loved him? Was that the last thing you said before the roofies set in? Regardless, you awoke the next morning with a lot of questions. Why do they have bedrooms in Five Guys? Are those frozen burger patties? Who won season two of Can You Duet? And surprise! Mother Nature’s Monthly Gift—which raised one question in particular. Are you preggers? And can your hardware run it? Where can you get the answers you so desperately desire? You turn to the only consistent thing in your life, your rock, the one you could trust with such revealing information (I mean, it helped with your yeast infection, right?): God Google.

JJJJSo you type, “I just got roofied in a Five Guys, now what?”

JJJJGoogle is silent. Zero results found.

JJJJJHave I been the only one???

JJJJJYou move on to the more pressing question….

JJJJJ“Google,” you say, “can you freeze cheese get pregnant right before your period?”

JJJJJResults: 1,150,000 hits.

JJJJJYour fear subsides and your sense of community in this individualistic digital world is reaffirmed! Your not the only one…well maybe the only one in a Five Guys…

JJJJJScanning the pages, you find your answer. But true to your Socratic Method of thinking (no thanks to your public school education) you believe that all questions lead to more questions. Questions like “can you get pregnant on your period?” “can you get pregnant right after your period?” “can you get mono twice?”

JJJJBut the most important question, “Can you get pregnant on your period?” has been resolved solved. Crisis averted, you can get on with your life. The phone rings and it’s Jeff calling about dinner at Subway. Can you feel the love tonight?

“How to Cure”:

5goals — Fri, 15 May 2009 06:49:16 +0000

JJJJJAs you can see, a series of maladies still troubles the human race. Although people in the internet community generally do not die from such causes as the common cold, diarrhea, or hiccups, they are affected by them nonetheless. Many prevalent ailments, like sore-throats and headaches, we find too trivial to merit the expensive trip to the doctor’s office, when he will just end up Googling it anyway.
JJJJJBut what we are primarily concerned with is curing the uncurable and alleviating the unallevable—unhangovering the hangovering. From the time the Chinese first fermented rice, through the days of Sydenham’s laudanum, to the modern day Jägerbomb, dealing with the aftermath of last night’s super awesome fun times has been a less than super awesome challenge. Fortunately today we no longer have to deal with this issue by ourselves. Thanks to technology we have the non-judgmental support of God Google.
JJJJJJThank God Google we have this forgiving friend to help us through other sticky situations: Diarrhea, Yeast Infections, Constipation, and Bad Breath. Sounds like a date with a Civil War soldier. Throw in some pink-eye and mix well for a true 1863 romantic experience. But really, when you think about it, how is it that much different than last night’s date with Jeff from a Frat? Which brings us to the present. And Google. And your awkward yeast infection.

The Thesis Statement/Blog Proposal

5goals — Fri, 15 May 2009 05:40:23 +0000

JJJJJLaughing With Google is a site that explains (internet using) human nature. We believe that Google search suggestions reflect the deepest desires, fears, questions, and existential anxieties of the modern person. People trust the Google for answers to questions they would never dare ask their closest confidants. Google is a superfriend who, for our purposes, compiles the real and raw nature of our fundamental character. Although it’s 2009 and society has allegedly advanced from days of hauling rocks, we find that the essence of our existences has remained the same—that our lifeblood is an unbroken river that has flowed through millennia. We realize that many of these suggestions stem from pop media in the form of songs, art, and literature, but we feel that these cultural connections show the underlying issues that resonate within us. Thanks to God Google, we can look inside our souls and draw conclusions about what it means to be human… or dancer.

Laughing With Google

5goals — Wed, 13 May 2009 15:31:44 +0000

This site does not take into account the non-computing demographic of the world…like theses guys.

http://creativecriticismofculture.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/african-boys-of-the-yao-tribe-in-malawi-in-a-traditional-circumcision-ceremony.jpg